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06.24.08
The New Math: Fly Me To The Moon
posted by Absinthe | 4:27 PM
Suppose that you are attempting to travel from Dallas to Seattle by aeroplane. You will be visiting for six days and would rather pack a few extra things, but the airline has instituted a $25 charge for a single checked bag. However, you have long, lustrous hair and would prefer to use your own shampoo on the trip rather than whatever crap the hotel supplies. You estimate that you use 1 ounce of shampoo per day, and the brand you prefer is available in two sizes: a 10 oz. bottle for $26, and a 60 oz. bottle for $85. Ideally you would simply bring a bottle from home, but it will cost you $25 to check a bag, and you can only bring 3 oz. of shampoo in your carry-on luggage thanks to TSA restrictions.
Perform the following calculations:
1. Identify break-even points for length of stay when checking a bag and when not checking a bag for in-the-field purchase of 10 oz. and 60 oz. bottles, respectively. Show your work.
2. Perform a cost-benefit analysis considering the savings you’d realize versus the likelihood that you will be caught if you attempt to smuggle shampoo onto the plane with you, factoring in potential legal fees and loss of wages if you are subsequently sent to Guantanamo Bay. Actually if that’s the case you can probably forget about the legal fees.
3. For a sample size that permits results within one standard deviation, identify the mean number of times you will bother to endure this process before telling everyone at the airport to shove it up their ass and driving to Seattle your damn self, even with gas at five fucking dollars a goddamn gallon.
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Topics: Random Thoughts, The New Math |
June 24, 2008 at 4:33 PM
Buy and empty 3oz bottles of some other shampoo. Fill them from bottle you have at home. Don’t check a bag.
June 24, 2008 at 4:53 PM
Buy the 60 oz bottle for $85.
Price of half a dozen empty 3 oz. containers from beauty supply shop: $6
Fill empty containers with favorite hair cleansing products, approx one bottle for each week of trip. Don’t forget to label.
Odds of TSA employee giving you gruff about six identical 3 oz. bottles in your bag: EVEN
What they can do about it: Nothing, as you are following their own retarded rules– not 3 oz. total, but 3 oz. per bottle.
Sample size: roughly 15
June 24, 2008 at 4:56 PM
Now, re-frame those answers, considering that you also have needs for gel-based deodorants, toothpaste, conditioner, lubricants and revitalizing hand lotion.
Serves me for not being more anal about the conditions, I guess.
June 24, 2008 at 4:57 PM
(And no, you can’t cheat by saying you brush your teeth with lube. I’m pretty sure the TSA would pull you aside for further questioning if you said that, anyway.)
June 24, 2008 at 6:35 PM
Isn’t there a market for refillable bottles that LOOK like they hold 3oz but in fact hold 3.5oz or, dare we even dream of it, 4oz? Through the use of advanced plastics, creative design and even optical illusion passengers could carry thousands of extra tons of illicit shampoo, contact lens solution, and mouthwash. True, western civilization would be threatened were this to come to pass, but at least it was save me a trip to (expletive) Wal-Mart because I ran out Suave.
June 25, 2008 at 8:01 AM
So being a filthy scum who uses bathroom soap to wash his hair actually pays off in this scenario? Who knew.
P.S. My hair is naturally soft and luxurious.
June 25, 2008 at 9:13 AM
Um, just courier to the hotel your expensive shampoo and whatever other things you Californians need to get by on.
Math is easy.
Actually you can have multiple 3-oz. bottles. Everything has to fit in a one-quart zip-top bag. If it looks too big, even if it fits in the quart bag, TSA can chuck it, as per my experience in Maui
http://pokercats.blogspot.com/search?q=toothpaste
June 25, 2008 at 9:18 AM
Take Greyhound; problem solved.
June 30, 2008 at 10:53 AM
Ship it to your temporary residence in advance and, if a quantity of any measurable value is left at the end of your stay, ship it back to yourself.