• Today, my lifelong dream of never seeing the Fresh Beat Band in concert dies a horrible death. 13 hrs ago
• (I've decided to annoy @Ugarles by identifying the comedic mechanism in each of his tweets until he blocks me and/or kills me with an axe.) 2 days ago
• @Ugarles Way to flip the script in a self-deprecating fashion! in reply to Ugarles 2 days ago
• "I don't know nothjn' / Except for one thing for certain / The devil's a person / I met him at the Riverside Perkins" 2 days ago
• If it has taken you this many debates to decide which Republican candidate you prefer, you shouldn't be allowed near a car or a fire source. 2 days ago
• Guys Robert Wagner wants to send me a free DVD I think you see where this is heading 2 days ago
• There's this Jason Lee movie on at the gym, don't know which, but it's the first thing I have to stop when I get a time machine 2 days ago
• I need to become famous so when I'm suffering from "exhaustion" everyone everywhere knows that I'm really, really tired. 2 days ago
• More updates...

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