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03.12.10
Straight Pimpin’ A Bendy Man
posted by Absinthe | 12:18 PM
I normally try to avoid fundraising activities in this space. Actually, I normally try to avoid fundraising activities altogether. On a list of things abhorrent to me, “asking for money” comes just behind “screamingly painful sore throats” and just barely ahead of Full House marathons. That doesn’t mean I never do it; it just means that every time I ring that Salvation Army bell, I can feel little brittle pieces of myself shattering into me-dust.
Fortunately, this one isn’t about me. Our good friend Neal has a (somewhat bizarre) dilemma: he wants to go to yoga-teacher school. But time spent contorting and weaseling and posing is time spent not doing what pays the bills, which in this case is some deeply hilarious, incisive writing. (To be fair, he lives in LA now, so probably his day job includes some weaseling as ell.)
Neal’s set up a Kickstarter project page that therefore requires your attention. If you’ve never used Kickstarter, it’s a very simple way to pledge monies to people ballsy enough to ask for it; there’s a deadline by which the whole project must be funded, no money is taken from your account until then, and pledging through Amazon is dead simple. Neal needs $4200 and he’s about 75% there; a few small donations (which get you some nifty perks, as well as his undying gratitude and my undisguised amazement) would put him over the top. (As an aside: Neal remembers kindnesses quite well, isn’t kidding about the eulogy, and shares some of this blog’s readership’s enthusiasm for a certain medicinal herb, said herb being something he’s also willing to share. When I’m around him I wish I enjoyed it, myself.)
“Send me to yoga teacher school” is a hard sell in a time of earthquakes and recessions, so I’ve decided to “help” by giving you five-count-’em’-five reasons to consider sending a sawbuck his way:
1. Comedy. Without sending Neal to yoga trainer school, we’ll never get to see his next step, which he has privately assured me is going to be the esoteric field of yogic skydiving. Aspirants attempt to control their descent without a parachute, instead employing various poses to maximize wind resistance and aligning their chakras with the earth’s at the moment of impact. Light as a feather, stiff as a board, flat as a pancake. No, this probably won’t happen, but it definitely won’t happen if you don’t give.
2. Karma. I don’t actually believe in this, except in the general sense that people who do nice things for other people have better hopes of having good deeds done on their behalf. But if you believe there’s a flow or a divine scale or what-have-you, rest assured that Neal Pollack believes in paying that forward. Me? I’d just take your money and fly to Aruba. Not Neal. He’d at least send you a postcard.
3. Bragging Rights. When Neal achieves enlightenment and brings about world peace with a flick of his – what do yoga guys flick? – anyway, you’ll be able to say you supported him when.
4. Ancillary Benefits. If his book tour takes him to your town, you can probably score a lesson. And believe me when I say that anybody can learn to do this stuff, because apparently Neal fucking Pollack can. When I heard he was doing a yoga book I have to admit I rolled my eyes a tiny bit. Tiny bit. I’ve got a good poker face. But it seems he’s going the whole George-Plimpton hog on this; he’s doing the kind of comedy that comes from taking something seriously.
5. Pity. It’s hard out there for a freelance writer right now, even one with a few books and untold articles to his credit. Many of my readers know this. So help a brother out. Then, when you have a big idea that needs a boost, ask for payback. Instead of Pity I guess this should be Enlightened Self-Interest.
You want more than five reasons? Sorry, but that’s all you get for free. If you really want more, let me know and I’ll start a Kickstarter project of my own. Until then, as Neal says, “Namaste, motherfuckers!”
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Topics: Poker | 1 Comment »
March 12, 2010 at 12:37 PM
I’d rather send you to yoga school. Hilarity ensues.